Peice of my heart
So, i got matching puzzle peice tattoos with Alex today. I feel like i just got married. Its weird. Its a commitment in a way. I guess he truly loves me. Lol he leaves for school in a few weeks. Im dealing alot better. I love him and so does V. they make me happy when everything else in the world wants to bring me down.
Ugh. He’s leaving. Im drunk. Fuck everything.
the sun comes out !
Oh my! Today was my first day of work! I got the gas station job. Its a lot of more tiring activites than you think, but its not that bad. A lot of cleaning and memorizing and dealing with trashy Sullivan people but its MONEY. Alex got a job working 6 days a week so i dont see or talk to him much, but are relationship is strong and i feel secure in his love and i am so happy that i have Savannah...
Where do i begin? ugh. My boyfriend is a sweetheart. He took me to a cardinals game (my first game ever) and it was so much fun. He even let me listen to Justin bieber ! He did no inherit his thoughtfulness from his father though. No, his father is a monster. He sent Alex this long horrible EMail about how he is offended i have pictures on fb of him with my daughter at the zoo or some shit....
Went to the zoo with Alex today. V and i got to meet his mom, step dad and siblings. They are so nice! his baby sister is savannahs age and they got along great. We rode the train and went in the little butterfly house and went in the children’s zoo. His dad is an ugly dick head ass hole but im glad his moms side accepts us :-) that makes me feel good :-) its been a hard time about my...
Rip Emma. We love you
My cousin was found about four pm today. In the lake. Dead. I keep thinking of before i had V, id go to Wisconsin for the summers and hang out with her. I remember sleeping in the same bed as her and walking to mcdonalds with her and i remember one time i was drinking too much wine and she covered for me. I love you Emma. You were fun and sweet. Your family missses you. Im so sorry you only got 16...
Prayers for my cousin
I don’t even know what to say. I’ve been well for the most part, until i woke up this morning and my 16 yr old cousins picture was everywhere. she’s missing. she was at the beach in Wisconsin and when her friends went to look for her, all they found was her purse and phone. I feel sick. Like i know there are so many weirdos out there. Alex and i are doing well. He’s been...
My bf is deff crossing some lines. He had to sneek to come see me! He told his dad he was with a guy, and then he could barely stay so his dad wouldn’t figure it out. HELLO, but that’s rude. He’s making me feel like trash, like a dirty secret. My daughters pic is usualy in his truck and the coward took it out. If v was older and could comphrend his shame, id kill him. when you love someone you...
Things are sorta blah. Alex’s dad is visiting and Alex is just treating me so diff! i haven’t really seen nor talked to him much. I understand he wants to spend time with his dad, but to pretend i don’t exist just bc his dad hates me for having a kid is just plain WRONG. Alex graduated though. Im very proud of him but IM scared for him to move for college. What will become of us with the distance?...
So. Alex’s dad is back on the continet for a month. He never sees his dad and his dad is a class A dick so i doubt ill see much of ny bf. Im really irritated bc i didnt see him yesterday and i wont tommorow and hes not trying to see me today. he lives 12 fucking min away and doesnt have anything going on. Im going to get tired of this neglecting shit soon. So tonight im going to go see an...
i wanted to write in my journal but my family’s nosey and i would just die if any one of them read this. I think im losing it and i just HAVE to write and see my thoughts formed into actual words. i can’t explain it. i don’t know if its depression or a break down but im not ME. Savannah constantly cries and screams these days and i can’t deal with it. Today Alex and i took her to the park and she...
Today i showed a picture to my daughter. It was of her handsome father. I asked her who it was. she said she didn’t know. Can you imagine looking at a picture of your own dad and not being able to recognize him? Maybe its because he’s never met, talked to, or done anything for her. Being a single mom is like the hardest thing ever. Its a lonely, sleep deprived, tight budget kind of...
well my i found my babys daddys Facebook page. half of me wants to request him be like hey you’re daughter, her name is savannah. she’s got your eyes and my curly hair and she’s hilarious. she’s smart and beautiful and demanding.. and she’s asking where you are. but the wise part of me is saying don’t mess with it. he’d just be a disappointment and that...
to model or not to model
so i was approached about doing some small time (yet kinda racy :-\) modeling. The one gig would pay 500 cash and a paid trip to Italy. Theres no guarantee about jobs after that. Sure it would be way cool to get into pro modeling, but its so.. REVEALING. The other girls who did it are very equipped and def not shy. My bf wasn’t against it. I kinda wanted him to be. He’s not very protective or...
im a mix of emotions. today my uncle died. i was suppose to go see him tonight but now i obviously can’t. stupid cancer. a goodbye isn’t something you can do when you loose your chance. ugh. goodbyes suck. my bf, my best friend, is leaving at the end of the summer for stupid college. i will hardly see him! he’s the best guyci know. sure he could be a little more romantic and...
so right after i get the freaking mirena, we decide to not be intimate? thank you lovely bf for telling me right after intercourse that what we just did was a sin. so now were just going to wait. for what i don’t know bc im not totaly for sure he wants to marry me. I’ve known him a year and you think i would know his thoughts on marriage. i just want to know if were waiting for...
so tonight went pretty emotionally smoothly! he didn’t go with that sank and he called me at ten thirty and we stayed on the phone till just now. he’s learning so well :-) lol i just found out he doesn’t like my belly button ring though. this shouldn’t bother me yet strangely it does.. something else that bothers me.. my boyfriend doesn’t really get jealous. is it...
so im super stressed. I’m tired of being responsible for things (or more like people) i shouldn’t have to be responsible for. everyone gets to go to my uncles benefit dinner except me. he has cancer and i really wanted to go but i have to ‘babysit’ a nineteen year old. ugh. then later my boyfriend is going to his senior prom. (yes my boyfriend is in highschool who cares?)...
im aware no one probably reads what i say but i do this for me. it helps me sort out thoughts and vent. so today i got the mirena. no little brats for five years!! i don’t think it went right though. there’s the fact my Dr. has lawsuits for effing things up with other girls and then there’s the ‘unexplained bleeding’ i had. wtf?? i thought i was going to puke and faint. it hurt plus my nerves were...
my first post
A friend of mine introduced me to this and i figured id try it out. So, im just trying to get the hang of it. im so stressed out lately! As if being a single mom of a wild two year old wasn’t hard enough, theres alot of family issues going on. plus my sweet boyfriend (whom i love very much) is relationship retarded! He’s a good guy but he’s young and doesn’t realize its a no no to take a girl to...